The Miz challenged WWE Champion CM Punk to take a lie detector test on “Miz TV”
And so we enter day 379 of CM Punk’s WWE Championship reign, and to emphasize his point of the week, The Second City Saint went to the books to highlight the WWE Universe’s egregious disrespect of his accomplishments. Specifically, Punk and Paul Heyman pried open the new WWE Encyclopedia and brought Punk’s latest accomplishment as champion to light: As of midnight, Punk will surpass John Cena as the longest-reigning WWE Champion of the past 25 years.
“Now you’re gonna have to agree with me when I say to you that CM Punk is not only your champion, not only The Best in the World, but there is no argument that CM Punk shouldn’t be front and center on WWE’s version of Mt. Rushmore,” Heyman sneered before Punk took the mic for himself.
Despite surpassing the WWE’s resident Superman on the championship chart, Punk claimed he was still unfairly persecuted and unjustly denied the proper reverence as WWE Champion, including an apparently measly entry in the encyclopedia itself. The latest injustice perpetrated upon him — being forced to defend his title against Ryback in a Tables, Ladders & Chairs Match — was just a testament to how high the deck has been stacked against him by the likes of the WWE Universe. They were the ones, Punk spewed, who turned their back on him at the drop of a hat and continue to vilify him at every turn, causing WWE management to place Punk in insurmountable situations that endangered his reigns.
“The truth,” Punk said, “is if it wasn’t for me, none of you would be here today … if it wasn’t for me, you people would have nothing to look forward to on these dismal, three-hour Monday Night Raws.”
But just as Punk was daring the assembled crowd to leave the arena if they couldn’t accept his truths, he found his tirade cut off by the most awesome of gatecrashers.
Mic in hand and resplendent in his suit, The Miz emerged from backstage and gave the Greensboro faithful an alternative: “Sit down and enjoy yourselves.” And then, he went on the attack.
“Everyone knows that Brad Maddox was in your back pocket at Hell in a Cell. Everyone knows The Shield bailed you out at Survivor Series. And last week, if The Shield didn’t bail you out again, Ryback would’ve fed himself some Punk.”
Having challenged Punk’s credibility but unwilling to scuff his top-dollar kicks, The Miz presented Punk with a unique challenge: to defend his reputation not in the ring, but on “Miz TV” courtesy of a lie detector test (co-signed by the county sheriff’s department) that would determine whether Punk truly had any association with The Shield or rogue referee Maddox. The Voice of the Voiceless balked at the idea at first, but as always, Miz wasn’t about to allow anyone get the last word in over him.
“That is exactly what I want,” Miz roared. “You with a live mic … me with a live mic. Bring your best pipe bomb! I am giving you exactly what you want: a chance to clear your name, to cement your legacy … or maybe you’d rather walk around with an asterisk next to every single one of your accomplishments, including your 379 day title reign.”
Needless to say, that did the trick. Sufficiently goaded, Punk agreed to take the test, with one final catch: after he passes and proves himself to be The Best in the World, Miz, along with the world, would have to admit it.
WWE Champion CM Punk took a lie detector test on “Miz TV”
If the truth will not set you free, perhaps The Shield will.
In any case, that seemed to be the prevailing lesson of CM Punk’s highly hyped lie detector test, conducted under the bright lights of “Miz TV” in a highly controversial Q-and-A that would see Punk’s mentor Paul Heyman placed into a match with Ryback should Punk prove a liar. The Second City Saint looked appropriately surly as The Awesome One strapped Punk to the polygraph and conducted a few “test” questions to establish a base for the test.
The interrogation began innocuously enough: “Is your name CM Punk?” (It is.) “Have you held the WWE Title for 379 days?” (He has.)
“Did Rey Mysterio shave your head bald at Over the Limit 2010?”
Things degenerated quickly from there (though, for the record: Yes, Mysterio shaved Punk bald at Over the Limit 2010), with Miz challenging his inner Lt. Daniel Kaffee and moving from the innocent to the provocative in a matter of minutes. Punk’s responses to the million-dollar question — is he involved with The Shield and/or Brad Maddox? — apparently weren’t up to snuff, as Miz’s administrator decreed The Voice of the Voiceless might be lying.
But before any kind of resolution could unfold, The Shield made their presence known yet again. Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns mobbed the ring and dismantled the “Miz TV” set, attacking the host in the process and once again bailing Punk from his predicament. With The Miz at their mercy, The Shield looked to once again close Raw out standing tall over a fallen foe … but then who should come to the rescue but the Tag Team Champions Team Hell No. Kane & Daniel Bryan wasted no time in joining the fracas, but things looked to be going sour all the same … until Ryback’s music hit.
Wasting no time, the beast rushed in and attacked the triumvirate alongside the Tag Team Champions. The threesome managed to turn the tide against The Shield, driving Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns away and leaving Punk to gloat over the beaten and battered Miz.
As it turns out, though, Ryback wasn’t done.
While Punk stood over his smarmy tormentor, the human wrecking machine stormed back into the ring and had his way with the WWE Champion, leaving Punk Shell Shocked and producing a ladder and a chair from beneath the ring. Ryback battered Punk with both before bringing a table into play and pummeling Punk through it, closing a tumultuous Raw.
“Miz TV”: come for the jokes, stay for the unmitigated destruction.